I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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