i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
