Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
