My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
