her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
