She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
