I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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