dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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