I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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