nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
