Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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