I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fuck me I smell like cheese
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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