I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just pynch a tree in the face
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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