I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize