You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize