Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
