Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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