So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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