genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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