During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Alive.
So much puke
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
