I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
