I got chris browned last night
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize