They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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