Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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