oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
