$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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