seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
