You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
