I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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