don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
