There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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