New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
