I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
