guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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