I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
