Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I will be naked everywhere
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
