Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
