So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize