nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
