at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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