there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We are all done wearing pants today
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize