No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
