woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
