i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
MIDGETS
????
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
