so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
