just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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