His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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