dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
