I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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