Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
