Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
