Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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