my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
