I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
