Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
