so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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