so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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