Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
