flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
