I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
