So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize