This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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