what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
