Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
