oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Randomize
