It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
