I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
