Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
